The Couch

The Dangerous In Between

Comments on The Dangerous In Between

Monk2400
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Posted 05/11/05 - 12:14 PM:
Subject: The Dangerous In Between
They stood there, umoving, eyes fixed on each other. It was a key moment, they both knew. A strange surge of energy coursed through their bodies, following ancient chi channels, heightening all their senses. The air between them crackled with anticipation.

The great between, a chasm of emptiness, a void filled with unscrutible energies dancing together with the fires of eternity. There, the source of creative power is unleashed, unbounded. Fuelled by the inrushing of intentional force, it burns its way upwards into a blooming blossoming expression of joy. With power to illuminate and blind it makes the great spaces shrink under its massive gaze. Its arms gather together the edges of bindings so ancient even the gods themselves know not their origins, and with them it draws the cosmos in.

But there, on the edge of the light, the empty dark, the cold expanse and home of chaos. Its icy fingers always seeking to find the cracks, to pour in through the pin holes, to bring about the freezing liquification of all being. And so, coursing energy reaches the heart and mixes with a sharp pang of fear--the fear of the abyss. Dark shadows surround eternity, but there, in the center, is a thing made by a fusion of intentions. There, in the center, a bridge is forged. Its ends reach through time and space connecting shores that had long ran parallel, and in a new rhythm their tides did caress the shores. There, in the deep in-between, it all ran clear. Ideals were met and manifest, carving great wakes and carrying possibility behind it. Stillness entered the heart of the deep, and made calm every ripple.

He reached out and took her hand, gently urging her nearer. With an attentive eagerness she followed his motion, and copying it, took up his other hand. There, in the middle, between them, he grasped her two hands together holding her warmly, cupping her delicate hands in his. Electric gazes sizzled in the air over their hands as their bodies pressed closer together. Standing there they breathed together, inhaling intention and exhaling willingness. As they moved in closer still, he felt his mind tingle as he contemplated the exquisite distance separating them in the between.

8)
libertygrl
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Posted 05/11/05 - 10:57 PM:

poetry!
DerEinzige
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Posted 05/12/05 - 11:40 AM:

Well done thumb upthumb up

grin
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 05/12/05 - 12:51 PM:

just awesome
Monk2400
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Posted 05/12/05 - 4:46 PM:

whee
thanx folks!

8)
b.mellow
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Posted 05/14/05 - 4:04 PM:

Very good man, I'm impressed. The descriptions are excellent and so is the pacing. I would have liked a little more concrete "where are these people" and "who are they" in the earlier paragraphs, because for a while the reader shouldn't be sure whether its all metaphorical or if there is a physical scene being depicted. Something funny would be to have one sentence casually mention them being on a couch and watching Futurama, just to contrast the intensity of the latter (and majority) of the rest of the piece, and also make a quip about how these extraordinary moments can happen (and do happen) at the most ordinary of time. But there just seems to be too much emptiness as to what is really going on versus the incredibly well depicted internal forces and actions.

Overall I think it's really good. And I hope you don't mind me criticizing it a little bit, as I'm always a little disapointed both giving and receiving simple praises for something someone's worked on. Plus it's cool to see you're putting the ol' pen to paper again.
Monk2400
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Posted 05/16/05 - 2:56 PM:

basta wrote:
Very good man, I'm impressed. The descriptions are excellent and so is the pacing. I would have liked a little more concrete "where are these people" and "who are they" in the earlier paragraphs, because for a while the reader shouldn't be sure whether its all metaphorical or if there is a physical scene being depicted. Something funny would be to have one sentence casually mention them being on a couch and watching Futurama, just to contrast the intensity of the latter (and majority) of the rest of the piece, and also make a quip about how these extraordinary moments can happen (and do happen) at the most ordinary of time. But there just seems to be too much emptiness as to what is really going on versus the incredibly well depicted internal forces and actions.

Overall I think it's really good. And I hope you don't mind me criticizing it a little bit, as I'm always a little disapointed both giving and receiving simple praises for something someone's worked on. Plus it's cool to see you're putting the ol' pen to paper again.


thanx basta! thats all good stuff there. I accept the critique with relish. If this were a part of a longr piece, I might considr adding more indications of setting for sure. it could very well be an episode within a longr narrative.

cheers
8)
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