The Couch

Soliloquy of a Shapeshifter [Episode Two]

Comments on Soliloquy of a Shapeshifter [Episode Two]

libertygrl
Administrator
Avatar

Usergroup: Administrators
Joined: Apr 16, 2005
Location: San Francisco

Total Topics: 425
Total Comments: 4673
Posted 05/04/06 - 9:34 AM:

You are a stranger, looking in on me from your dreams. From the watery darkness I look back at you, softly touching the glass. My story rises to the surface, my face turning to the sun.

Water knows fire, and I know Zacarias. Zacarias is the serpent who fascinates the sparrow before he devours her. Zacarias is the one who enchants me.

I am seventeen years old, and Zacarias stands before me, tall and pale, fingers long and slender like a spider's legs. He looks into my eyes and sees everything that I am, in every life. Laughing, he plays a song on his guitar and invites me to dance. I dance, and I am at once filled with light and desire. He beckons me for a kiss.

Mother sees Zacarias through the window. She calls for me to come inside the hut, but I do not listen. "Morela! Do not go near that man!" she says desperately, pulling me by my hair. "He is boto - he will enchant you!" But her warning means nothing to me. I turn to walk back to him but he is gone. I know he will return for me.

Mother calls for the Shaman to come and bless the cupuacu juice for me to drink. I scream and cry, and vomit the holy water. The Shaman tells Mother that it is too late, that I am already enchanted. Mother holds me and mourns. I feel nothing to see her cry for me. She doesn't understand that when I see Zacarias, I am Zacarias.

The moon is high and I am waking from a dream. I walk to the river where Zacarias is singing my song. Oh! He swallows me whole and brings me to the Realm of the Enchanted, leaving only my name on the bank of the river.

I understand now that I am One. I have become.

Each wave flows to the shore and returns to the sea.

Each day departs and returns to me.

Time knows all things.

I know Sera. She is enchanted by snow which comes cold and white like the wind to cover her in a blanket of ice. When I see Sera, I am Sera. I hold the snow on my fingertips, sweet and full of dancing rainbows, come to save me from the noise. I take a deep breath and the snow swallows me whole.

I am waking from a dream.

I am becoming snow; I am returning to the sea.

The surface of the water knows the face of the moon, and I know you. You are a stranger, looking in on me from your dreams. You are the One who is waiting to remember. I feel your reflections on me, my face turning to the sun.

When I see you, I am you.
IammyaspectofUs
banned

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Apr 16, 2006
Location: Tacoma, Washington

Total Topics: 55
Total Comments: 720
Posted 05/04/06 - 12:27 PM:

Very clear and haunting
I was reluctant to read it for my caution of its seducing quality.

I am no literary critique and for that reason I feel qualified to say: for me, it
was like I wasn't reading at all, I was dreaming it.

I know of the realities of addiction. (My soul shudders)
I see you are an expert too.

Does she ever become herself in her life again?
Please don’t leave me hanging… LOL

I asked a friend of mine once what he thought hell was.
He did some imagining and said something like this:

When the atheist body dies and the soul exists entirety within the belief that it does not for all eternity. You cannot be, even though you are.

The simplicity of seduction is seemingly impossible to realize from within it.

Your story really relates a dynamic of eternal seduction, and gives us the taste of it at the same time.
(shuddering again)


crying
IammyaspectofUs
banned

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Apr 16, 2006
Location: Tacoma, Washington

Total Topics: 55
Total Comments: 720
Posted 05/04/06 - 12:30 PM:

or did I not get it all the way?blush
libertygrl
Administrator
Avatar

Usergroup: Administrators
Joined: Apr 16, 2005
Location: San Francisco

Total Topics: 425
Total Comments: 4673
Posted 05/04/06 - 1:29 PM:

hi iam,

you pretty much nailed what i was hoping to communicate with this piece - thank you! this is episode 2 in a series, stay tuned...

hug lib
b.mellow
pure

Usergroup: Moderators
Joined: May 08, 2005

Total Topics: 16
Total Comments: 199
Posted 05/04/06 - 1:50 PM:

I liked this piece! You hit your groove in dream-like states and quick-paced storytelling through imagery, and prose that comes forth as smooth as a glass of water. My only critique would be to not overuse the symbolic references: things like the sun, moon, snow, ice, fire, etc., when they're directly relatable to the action in the story it's fine, but too much metaphor and not enough hard-nosed story can lose a reader. I love it that much of it sounds like a poem, when the girl awakes from a dream and walks to the river, I see her walking elegantly, I see the guitar in Zacarius' hands and hear the strums in the background, because it was written elegantly, as if to a tune, soothing yet melancholic, but in parts where you seem to be throwing imagery at itself I become lost.

Lovely piece though!
libertygrl
Administrator
Avatar

Usergroup: Administrators
Joined: Apr 16, 2005
Location: San Francisco

Total Topics: 425
Total Comments: 4673
Posted 05/04/06 - 2:15 PM:

hi b,

thank you for the compliments. blush the strong use of symbolic imagery was actually a very deliberate choice on my part, for reasons that i think will become more clear later on as the story unfolds. so for now i stand by it. thank you for the constructive feedback though, i do appreciate it.

smiling facelib
IammyaspectofUs
banned

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Apr 16, 2006
Location: Tacoma, Washington

Total Topics: 55
Total Comments: 720
Posted 05/04/06 - 2:38 PM:

raised eyebrowI can't wait... it's like a really good movie...
Does she find her true nature?
Will she know more of life?
a real cliff hanger!

I give it five smileies
crying:embarrassed:blushdozeygrin
Search thread for
Download thread as
  • 0/5
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5



Sorry, you don't have permission . Log in, or register if you haven't yet.



Acknowledgements:

Couch logo design by Midnight_Monk. The photo hanging above the couch was taken by Paul.

Powered by WSN Forum. Free smileys here.
Special thanks to Maria Cristina, Jesse , Echolist Directory, The Star Online,
Hosting Free Webs, and dmoz.org for referring visitors to this site!

Copyright notice:

Except where noted otherwise, copyright belongs to respective authors
for artwork, photography and text posted in this forum.