The Couch

to bully a bully

Comments on to bully a bully

libertygrl
Administrator
Avatar

Usergroup: Administrators
Joined: Apr 16, 2005
Location: San Francisco

Total Topics: 425
Total Comments: 4672
Posted 04/21/14 - 5:17 PM:
Subject: to bully a bully
It's commonly believed that the only way to stop a bully is to bully them back. Do you agree with that? Do you think it's possible to defend one's self against a bully without responding in kind?
thedoc
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Sep 15, 2011

Total Topics: 41
Total Comments: 982
Avatar thedoc
Posted 04/21/14 - 5:51 PM:

It occurs to me that bullying is about establishing power and authority over others, so the only way to defeat it is to deny that power and authority. So how do you do that without resorting to the same physical activities. I don't have a lot of experience with bullies, I tend to just avoid them, and confronting them doesn't always work out well.
KinNaoko90
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Location: Fulton County, NY

Total Topics: 36
Total Comments: 298
Posted 04/22/14 - 5:53 AM:

libertygrl... you are my savior. Just saying laughing

I do have personal experience with bullies... as bullied and bully.

In my case as a bully, no one actually put me in my place but things happened to open my eyes. I used to be under the impression that if you were someone whom I considered unintelligent in thoughts or in actions that you weren't worth my time or anyone's time. I didn't go out of my way to make people's lives miserable, but when situations arose I made my views clear. Many people (children) were hurt.

As a former bully, I am not at all against bullying the bully. I was not bullied until after I gave up my bullyish antics, but it was only luck that I didn't need that kind of wake up call. Back then, I had an "us vs them" mentality. Then at age eight I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Due to the events at the time (parents divorced, we moved to New York, new school that wasn't as adequately funded et al) and the addition of medications to my daily routine, my grades plummeted. Suddenly the line between "us" and "them" blurred and eventually disappeared.

Bullying can take place in many ways (emotional, physical, verbal, sexual) and in numerous topics. It is my belief that bullies do not stop on their own. Epiphanies do not happen because of the individuals who have them. They happen because of ultimatums forced upon an individual by other people or circumstances. I am not at all against doing something against the community's norm to make a bully wake up. There are ethical ways to force someone to do something as long as there are choices involved and the individual fully understands the consequences of each choice.

By the way, I've really really missed you and don't leave us without a leader again PLEASE... crying

- Kin <3
henry quirk
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Location: here

Total Topics: 47
Total Comments: 1298
Posted 04/22/14 - 8:43 AM:

The sure way to deal with an aggressor: beat his (or, her) ass into the ground.
henry quirk
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Location: here

Total Topics: 47
Total Comments: 1298
Posted 04/22/14 - 8:45 AM:

"...don't leave us without a leader..."

raspberry
libertygrl
Administrator
Avatar

Usergroup: Administrators
Joined: Apr 16, 2005
Location: San Francisco

Total Topics: 425
Total Comments: 4672
Posted 04/22/14 - 3:35 PM:

aw how sweet, kin, it's nice to be appreciated hug

i miss all you guys, yes you too henry raspberry

unfortunately i have a lot of commitments which make it harder for me to come around as often. i'll try to pop in a little more frequently though than i have in recent months. heart

henry quirk
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Location: here

Total Topics: 47
Total Comments: 1298
Posted 04/22/14 - 4:26 PM:

Hey, Lib,

I miss 'you' but I ain't needin' no 'leader'... wink

The danger of a full plate: when it topples over you have one helluva mess to clean up.
libertygrl
Administrator
Avatar

Usergroup: Administrators
Joined: Apr 16, 2005
Location: San Francisco

Total Topics: 425
Total Comments: 4672
Posted 04/22/14 - 5:16 PM:

The danger of a full plate: when it topples over you have one helluva mess to clean up.

oh, don't i know it. especially when the things on your plate seem to all be living, breathing, growing things...

"and we take on
what we can do
and trust somebody else to carry on
where we left off

we now know
it's alright

we shouldn't have to try
so hard

we now know
it's alright

we shouldn't have to say
goodbye"

--from the song "we now know" by built for the sea
thedoc
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Sep 15, 2011

Total Topics: 41
Total Comments: 982
Avatar thedoc
Posted 04/22/14 - 6:18 PM:

There is a popular demonstration of how to organize your life, "Put the Big Rocks in First". Two things are very important in this exercise, One is to determine what is most important in your life, the second is to be sure that the "Big Rocks" are what is important to you and not to someone else. I read a story once about Bruce Lee and the time he learned to say 'No'. He determined that a particular project was not in his interest, but was in some-one else's interest, so he said 'No' and stepped out of the project to pursue that which was important to him. It's one of the stories in this book,

www.amazon.com/Zen-Martial-...ts-Joe-Hyams/dp/0553275593

It's a good read, with a lot of good advice for living, I need to get another copy.
Morgena
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Aug 01, 2006
Location: Midgard

Total Topics: 42
Total Comments: 868
Avatar Morgena
#10 - Quote - Permalink
Posted 04/23/14 - 2:57 AM:

thedoc wrote:
It occurs to me that bullying is about establishing power and authority over others, so the only way to defeat it is to deny that power and authority. So how do you do that without resorting to the same physical activities. I don't have a lot of experience with bullies, I tend to just avoid them, and confronting them doesn't always work out well.




Apart for you I do have a lot of experience about bullying, and I do agree with you, it’s about controlling, and forcing the other person to conform to his power.

Once you identify their true personality (psychopaths) mostly found at the office or public service , sure you can slip out of their power, because you can develop an advantage to shake them off.
It’s an intuitive learning to foresee his next step, so you are always one step ahead of the bully. ;-)

Morgena
Senior Member
Avatar

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Aug 01, 2006
Location: Midgard

Total Topics: 42
Total Comments: 868
Avatar Morgena
#11 - Quote - Permalink
Posted 04/23/14 - 3:08 AM:

The better you are prepared, the less damage they can do ;-)


courses.media.mit.edu/2003s...mas963/Gallese-goldman.pdf



The magic word is intuitive learning ;-)

Edited by Morgena on 04/23/14 - 3:15 AM
Search thread for
Download thread as
  • 0/5
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5



Sorry, you don't have permission . Log in, or register if you haven't yet.



Acknowledgements:

Couch logo design by Midnight_Monk. The photo hanging above the couch was taken by Paul.

Powered by WSN Forum. Free smileys here.
Special thanks to Maria Cristina, Jesse , Echolist Directory, The Star Online,
Hosting Free Webs, and dmoz.org for referring visitors to this site!

Copyright notice:

Except where noted otherwise, copyright belongs to respective authors
for artwork, photography and text posted in this forum.