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Are white lies harmful?

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libertygrl
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Posted 05/14/13 - 1:03 PM:
Subject: Are white lies harmful?
Any thoughts?
thedoc
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Posted 05/14/13 - 11:47 PM:

Whether a lie is harmful or not is dependent on the details of the situation.
libertygrl
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Posted 05/15/13 - 12:25 AM:

well let's start with some simple examples, like lying about your age to someone to get a date, or lying about a gift that you really didn't care for but don't want to hurt the person's feelings. if the person ever finds out the truth, is any harm done? what do you folks think?
henry quirk
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Posted 05/15/13 - 9:08 AM:

If Joanne says she's 30 when she's really 35: no real harm.

If Joanne says she's a gal when really she's a 'he' named Joe: large harm (probably to Joe... wink ).
thedoc
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Posted 05/15/13 - 7:32 PM:

libertygrl wrote:
well let's start with some simple examples, like lying about your age to someone to get a date,

or lying about a gift that you really didn't care for but don't want to hurt the person's feelings.

if the person ever finds out the truth, is any harm done? what do you folks think?



I will assume that the person you are trying to get a date with is concerned about the possible age difference. If so, other than for casual sex, do you really want to date someone so shallow?

With a gift "It's the thought that counts", Right, if you already have one, you have an easy out. If you really don't like it, Just grin and bear it till you have a legitimate way to pass it on.

If the other person finds out, and is really put off, are they really that good a friend, or someone you can easily do without? A really good friend, or close relative, will understand, and the relationship will be more important than the gift.

In my experience many gifts are given with the qualifier (especially clothing) that if it doesn't fit or match anything else "You can exchange it".

Edited by thedoc on 05/15/13 - 7:36 PM
thedoc
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Posted 05/15/13 - 7:40 PM:

A couple years ago my grandaughter had received 4 of the same "Laughing dolls" as gifts and Mom was looking for ways to pass them on. They were cute at first, but young children tend to play them to the point of driving an adult crazy, and 4 at once would be 'over the top' crazy. At least 2 were unopened, still in the package, on purpose.
libertygrl
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Posted 05/16/13 - 6:06 PM:

i was reading an article the other day about white lies. the author of the article believed wholeheartedly that white lies are completely necessary to smooth out life's rough edges.

i think part of what makes them "white" lies is the fact that if the other person ever did find out one was fudging the truth, they would at least be able to guess why, to some extent - to avoid hurting a person's feelings, or maybe in the case of the person lying about the age, understanding that it comes from their own insecurities. not something to get too bent out of shape over, usually. white lies are easily forgivable in most cases.

maybe the main harm from white lies comes from the feeling of wondering what else the person is willing to lie about.

libertygrl
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Posted 06/07/13 - 1:30 PM:

came across a quote the other day:

"anything that can be destroyed by the truth should be."

reminded me of this topic... (white lies are not typically going to destroy anything, probably why they get off the hook most of the time)

Edited by libertygrl on 06/08/13 - 10:25 AM
Vagabond
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Posted 08/02/13 - 2:14 PM:

It depends on the 'calibre' of the lie. Is the lie intended to mislead, gain advantage, protect?

What about in this case?

Girlfriend and boyfriend shopping for a dress for her. She fiends a stunning little black dress. Boyfriend loves it too. She tries it on, comes out of the change-room and, as she looks in the mirror, asks: Does this dress make me look fat? Now, boyfriend loves girlfriend to death, but girlfriend has put on a few pounds and the dress does not flatter her in the least. He doesn't want to be insensitive and hurt her feelings, but he also cannot bear to have her walk around like a Christmas ham in that dress.

What are the implications of the possible white lies?
thedoc
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Posted 08/02/13 - 11:43 PM:

I go on very few clothes shopping trips with my wife, but when I do I give her my honest opinion, and luckily we have similar taste in clothing.

I took my daughter shopping for a dress for a school event once, and she finally tried on a black and white dress that she was stunning in and I told her so.

Another time I went with my wife and while she was trying on clothes one of the girls in the store was trying to run the sweeper to clean up. something was wrong and the sweeper wasn't working, so after awhile I asked if I could look at it. I turned it over, and then asked for a piece of parer and a pen, and dug a big clump of hair and other fuzz out of the throat of the head of the sweeper, and it worked fine. The manager of the store was so grateful that I "fixed" the sweeper that she told the cashier to give my wife an additional 15% off of everything she bought, even if it was already on sale.

BTW the boyfriend should have suggested a larger size, and suffered the consequences, if she dumped him, perhaps they weren't right for each other.
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