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Inane and Superfluous Emesis

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Nihil Loc
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Posted 02/21/13 - 2:30 AM:
Subject: Inane and Superfluous Emesis
The garroting was slow but the skewing was not. To top it all off was the quick chopping of the top off. The body fell
down the old steps, head rolling apart and singing, or sounding, as it tumbled.

Loyal Groyel Moompy St. Berntard, well ruffled and wrapped in a brilliant crimson ritual coat, threw his gavel into the crowd where it hit a big gong and sparked the attention of the crowd. Claps and yells issued in a motley unison.As the severed head made its way to the bottom of the steps the quartermaster darted out and banged a tiny gong, to coincide with the moment of the head's final landing. As it sounded the crowed roared again, with some laughter, some horrified gasps, the squawks of a chicken, the grunts of a pig and many growling stomachs.

Sir Berntardy then began a version of his age old speech, which changed little from year to year but was said to be only as old as the still living oldest ass, which everybody knew to be the brown one with a crooked back and long hair owned by Miss McGovern. The speech aged just like the ass, ever so emptier in its skin and more boney with each passing year.

"!Karitilooo Pitoooo, mark my words as ye have marked them a year ago, we come to the end of another Inane and most Superfluous Emetic. Its excellence is apparent, another star for our history books. I shit you not and let no one suspect any other of the audacious and grievous error of doubting the excellence of this most important event, which our forebears still require us to preform. For such a doubting man or lesser doubting man, who wears dresses and has boobs, becomes a suspect and thus candidate for our garroting picnics. It might not be pleasant for this type of doubting man but for us it makes for a second and better Christmas, where the spectacle of sacrifice, or scapegoating, titillates one and all. Men and lesser men of submissive and domestic tendencies, even the bastard dwarfs born from these lesser men enjoy the great events of the Inane and Superfluous. Cheers and huwaf hahhh! to the great Inane and Superfluous Emesis, Karitiloo Pitooo!"
thedoc
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Posted 02/21/13 - 6:07 PM:

Douglas Adams would have approved, and I thought it was quite enjoyable.
Nihil Loc
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Posted 02/22/13 - 2:08 AM:

Thanks. Need to read me some Douglas Adams. Never read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or any other of his novels but always intended to.

Short enough at least. I find it tough to wade through short stories on the forums.

Apologies to those who find the 'lesser men' bit distasteful. I'm not unbalanced in my sexism. Both men and women are awful in their own ways (relating to the tendencies and or stereotypes of their sex of course).

Just got me to thinking, someone should transcribe the bible in the silly, sarcastic ironic mode of Douglas Adams'.

In the beginning there was plenty of beer and a half eaten pizza. God leaned back into his cushy Lazyboy recliner and fumbled with the remote, muttering "Let there be light," as he turned on the television...


Edited by Nihil Loc on 02/22/13 - 2:19 AM
libertygrl
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Posted 02/25/13 - 7:47 PM:

clap

yes i do think you would quite enjoy douglas adams =)

the hitchhiker's guide series is great but i also highly recommend his book "last chance to see". it's nonfiction but equally hilarious, poignant, and irreverent. nihil i think you'd get a big kick of it.
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