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FailureWish
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Posted 01/06/12 - 12:04 AM:
Subject: Hey,
I am really depressed and I can't think of any solution except for killing myself.

There is nowhere I want to be; there is nothing I want to do; there is nobody I want to be with.

I just want to die.

-

I have thought that if I hold on, things will get better. But they haven't.
And what's worse, I haven't been able to make any progress.
This is just an uphill battle. The more I hold on for the sake of my family and my friends, the more depressed I become...

And I am a failure.. I mean.
I am so depressed that I can't find the motivation to get out of home.. to get a new job... to do anything productive. I haven't even gotten my license. I'm just a failure. I can't seem to do anything except plan my own suicide.

I am so hurt inside that I just want to kill myself.
I hate myself, but I love my family.

I don't know what to do.
I only ask for the sake of my family and my friends.

Should I seek out professional help?
I don't know where to go.
Should I take drugs to try and regulate this or something?

I want to try and keep this a secret from my family.
What should I do?


libertygrl
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Posted 01/06/12 - 12:16 AM:

yes, you should seek professional help dear. don't give up.

i'm sure your family loves you and would miss you very much. i hope you will give them the chance to tell you this themselves.

here is the number for the suicide prevention lifeline - are you in australia? i am only guessing by your IP address. follow this link. http://www.lifeline.org.au/

hang in there! hug
libertygrl
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Posted 01/06/12 - 12:20 AM:

p.s. they have folks there for online chat until 10:30pm AEST, or you can also call their hotline anytime.
FailureWish
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Posted 01/06/12 - 12:29 AM:

Okay thanks.
libertygrl
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Posted 01/06/12 - 12:30 AM:

hug
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 01/06/12 - 3:31 AM:

Hang in there! Life is worth the effort many times over, even if you don't see it right now.

Also, besides seeking professional help, I would consider talking to the family member you trust the most. After all, your family are probably the most important people in your life, and the most likely to stick by you through hard times. smiling face It sounds like you could use the support of a loved one.

Take care. hug
Thinker13
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Posted 01/06/12 - 4:30 AM:

FailureWish wrote:
I am really depressed and I can't think of any solution except for killing myself.

There is nowhere I want to be; there is nothing I want to do; there is nobody I want to be with.

I just want to die.

-

I have thought that if I hold on, things will get better. But they haven't.
And what's worse, I haven't been able to make any progress.
This is just an uphill battle. The more I hold on for the sake of my family and my friends, the more depressed I become...

And I am a failure.. I mean.
I am so depressed that I can't find the motivation to get out of home.. to get a new job... to do anything productive. I haven't even gotten my license. I'm just a failure. I can't seem to do anything except plan my own suicide.

I am so hurt inside that I just want to kill myself.
I hate myself, but I love my family.

I don't know what to do.
I only ask for the sake of my family and my friends.

Should I seek out professional help?
I don't know where to go.
Should I take drugs to try and regulate this or something?

I want to try and keep this a secret from my family.
What should I do?





Almost all of us get such thoughts at least once in our life. What I contend against is: You seem strikingly introvert and perceptive to me. You write English better than 99% people who come into my contact. I do not mean that just writing English is everything and you should not have high standards, but, it would be great if you could look to positive aspects of yourself. I can guarantee that you would permanently give up thoughts of calling it quits if you could manage just 3 hours of undivided attention on your breathing. Focus on inhalations and exhalations and you would start feeling better. Thinking drains away your energy, especially the random thoughts which are negative.thumb up
henry quirk
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Posted 01/06/12 - 9:34 AM:

Suicide is always an option.

Thing is: once done, you can't change your mind.

The irrevocability of suicide is sufficient (for me) to 'not'.

Yeah, your life may be in the crapper (I can't assess that based on one measly thread), but being alive -- at least -- offers you chances to alter the equation into something more to your liking.

If you eat Drano: no more chances, no more tomorrows, no more of anything.

*shrug*
Thinker13
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Posted 01/06/12 - 9:44 AM:

henry quirk wrote:
Suicide is always an option.

Thing is: once done, you can't change your mind.

The irrevocability of suicide is sufficient (for me) to 'not'.

Yeah, your life may be in the crapper (I can't assess that based on one measly thread), but being alive -- at least -- offers you chances to alter the equation into something more to your liking.

If you eat Drano: no more chances, no more tomorrows, no more of anything.

*shrug*





thumb up
FailureWish
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Posted 01/06/12 - 6:30 PM:

smokinpristiformis wrote:
Hang in there! Life is worth the effort many times over, even if you don't see it right now.

Also, besides seeking professional help, I would consider talking to the family member you trust the most. After all, your family are probably the most important people in your life, and the most likely to stick by you through hard times. smiling face It sounds like you could use the support of a loved one.

Take care. hug


Yeah. I wish there was somebody I could talk to.
But there isn't.

My family is religious. I've told them many times that I do not believe in God or the stories in the bible, yet every Christmas it's the same thing: they get me to hold hands in prayer and pretend it never happened.

The only friend I've ever told treats the subject so lightly that it's obvious he doesn't really care at all. Or maybe he just thinks that I'm crying for attention and that I'd never actually go through with it.

I don't think anyone can understand me - at least nobody that I currently know.

My brother in law.. .maybe. But he just moved to melbourne,

I'm going to give lifeline a call when I can actually get a moment alone. My younger brother is clinging to me so often that it's hard to find a quiet place to think and be alone.

Anyway. Thankyou for everything.
All of you.

libertygrl
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Posted 01/06/12 - 8:23 PM:

FW wrote:
My family is religious. I've told them many times that I do not believe in God or the stories in the bible, yet every Christmas it's the same thing: they get me to hold hands in prayer and pretend it never happened.

ugh, yeah i grew up in a religious household too, i can relate to the feeling of alienation and the feeling that no one is really hearing you. hope you can find some encouragement through the hotline.

FW wrote:
The only friend I've ever told treats the subject so lightly that it's obvious he doesn't really care at all. Or maybe he just thinks that I'm crying for attention and that I'd never actually go through with it.

another possibility is that he just doesn't know how to deal with it well. it may be that he does care but he doesn't know how to show it, maybe he's afraid you'll think he's being corny or something if he tries to offer emotional support.

in any case, just remember, there are a lot more people in the world, a lot of interesting as well as caring people. i remember growing up surrounded by very strict christians, i kind of got the idea that most everyone was like that. thank god the internet came around when it did. various philosophy forums helped save my sanity.

well good luck to you and i hope you will keep popping in now and then and let us know what you're up to.
thedoc
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Posted 01/07/12 - 1:07 AM:

"Where there is life, there is hope".

You say you don't believe in God, - OK, What do you believe in, there must be something?
Thinker13
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Posted 01/07/12 - 1:54 AM:

FailureWish wrote:


Yeah. I wish there was somebody I could talk to.
But there isn't.


There might not be someone always available, so, it helps if you take interest in meditation and reading or writing. Scribbling your ideas down and reading them is a very good tool to get rid of depression. It improves, what you call 'Witness Sense' or 'Drashta Effect'.



My family is religious. I've told them many times that I do not believe in God or the stories in the bible, yet every Christmas it's the same thing: they get me to hold hands in prayer and pretend it never happened.


You won't be surprised if I tell you that same thing happened with me in my childhood. But I was an adamant rebel and defeated all of them in argument against their theories and never complied to what they wanted me to do. whee


The only friend I've ever told treats the subject so lightly that it's obvious he doesn't really care at all. Or maybe he just thinks that I'm crying for attention and that I'd never actually go through with it.


Very much possible. You're an introvert and he might not be so keen on thinking through serious things. It would be great if you could just regularly keep on writing down your thoughts and continue to read them.


I don't think anyone can understand me - at least nobody that I currently know.


I also thought same about myself--this feeling arises because we need self-validation through others. It's not that just you or me need it; our society as a whole uses it. But validation for self should not be sought outside. It's not important that others validate you or not. Validate yourself; be a witness to your own thoughts.



I'm going to give lifeline a call when I can actually get a moment alone. My younger brother is clinging to me so often that it's hard to find a quiet place to think and be alone.

Anyway. Thankyou for everything.
All of you.



That would be great. You are a wonderful person and I had great time talking to you smiling faceI hope that you would keep on posting your ideas or just feelings in this forum. Very welcome. thumb up
libertygrl
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Posted 01/07/12 - 11:32 AM:

Thinker wrote:
You're an introvert

curious to know what makes you think FW is an introvert?

there are various definitions floating around of introversion and extraversion, but the ones i'm most familiar with are that introverts get energy from being alone. they may be very social people and enjoy hanging around others, but socializing makes them tired, and they need alone time to recuperate their energy. extraverts, the other hand, get energy from being around others, but still may relish their alone time, even though they lose energy while alone. i am told that this is the definition that was used by carl jung, who introduced the terms.

even if this is not the definition you're going by, though, i'm still curious how you came to this conclusion. cheers smiling face
Thinker13
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Posted 01/07/12 - 12:02 PM:

libertygrl wrote:

curious to know what makes you think FW is an introvert?

there are various definitions floating around of introversion and extraversion, but the ones i'm most familiar with are that introverts get energy from being alone. they may be very social people and enjoy hanging around others, but socializing makes them tired, and they need alone time to recuperate their energy. extraverts, the other hand, get energy from being around others, but still may relish their alone time, even though they lose energy while alone. i am told that this is the definition that was used by carl jung, who introduced the terms.

even if this is not the definition you're going by, though, i'm still curious how you came to this conclusion. cheers smiling face



Good question. First things first: That he is an introvert is just an opinion of mine. I am not asserting anything.

What makes me think that he is an introvert?

In my opinion, introverts are most likely to get suicidal thoughts. Suicidal propensities are highly correlated with high intelligence as well. It's true that I have slightly more opinions than what you have given here as a criterion for introversion/extroversion. Yes, thinking that he is seeking for a companion, soul-mate or a good relative suggests that he is looking for socializing, still, it does not necessarily mean that he is not an introvert [ I am not insinuating that you're thinking on these lines, or, you are just against my notions about his personality type]. Introverts, in my opinion too are social persons, but they look for a little different kind of socializing. For example: they would prefer a single good interlocutor over a hundred people in a party; they might prefer a forum like The Couch, where a few people talk sensibly ( well, most of the times)rather than the forums with thousands upon thousands of posters.

What else? Well, his being a rebel against 'rituals' makes him rare and intelligent in my opinion. He tried to talk to his friend but found his approach rather superficial and insensitive towards the profound feelings he was trying to express towards things. He is vulnerable. He does more self-talk than most of the people do.


I can write a few more words, but, if he himself comes up saying "Well, Thinker13, thank you very much for your counselling and psychoanalysis, but I am an extrovert; and I have been that way since my childhood!": That simply makes me wrong and I would humbly accept that my presumption was wrong.

Still: I would bring into your attention, one more thing. [ This is not to suggest that I would belabor against his or your opinion that he seems to be an extrovert.]I feel that not all of us are always of one type. I have found myself switching between types. An introvert might function like an extrovert and vice versa and there might be a case where an Introvert ( or extrovert) changes into the opposite type forever or there might be a case where someone becomes a very balanced person who is neither an introvert nor an extrovert.


[ Most of my opinion is my opinion, i. e. based on reflection and not very educated, because I have not taken any Psychology courses; therefore, if it seems like Pseudoscience, I would be most willing to write an apology post!]
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Posted 01/07/12 - 12:08 PM:

interesting thoughts, thank you for taking the time to expound smiling face
Thinker13
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Posted 01/07/12 - 12:09 PM:

libertygrl wrote:

ugh, yeah i grew up in a religious household too, i can relate to the feeling of alienation and the feeling that no one is really hearing you. hope you can find some encouragement through the hotline.


in any case, just remember, there are a lot more people in the world, a lot of interesting as well as caring people. i remember growing up surrounded by very strict christians, i kind of got the idea that most everyone was like that. thank god the internet came around when it did. various philosophy forums helped save my sanity.

well good luck to you and i hope you will keep popping in now and then and let us know what you're up to.



I would like to ask you something on a related note: I read somewhere that you were raised as a Jehovah's witness. Is that something to Christianity, as Zen is to Buddhism? What is it to be like a Jehovah's witness and what made you get inclined more and more towards Pantheism in later years?

[ I hope I am not asking too many questions!]smiling face
Thinker13
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Posted 01/07/12 - 12:29 PM:

libertygrl wrote:
interesting thoughts, thank you for taking the time to expound smiling face



Thanks lib. smiling face
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Posted 01/07/12 - 12:46 PM:

Thinker13 wrote:



I would like to ask you something on a related note: I read somewhere that you were raised as a Jehovah's witness. Is that something to Christianity, as Zen is to Buddhism? What is it to be like a Jehovah's witness and what made you get inclined more and more towards Pantheism in later years?

[ I hope I am not asking too many questions!]smiling face

ah, no worries. i started a new topic to answer your questions.
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Posted 01/07/12 - 11:12 PM:

@ Thinker13.

I am truly an introvert, but I am not sure I possess all of the traits you have attached to that label. For one thing, I am not very intelligent. But to the other things you said, yes, yes and more yes. It is quite remarkable how you did that.

I have found a book on meditation and am going to see if it can help me get any better. I have nothing to lose now so it couldn't hurt.

I am going to get professional help as well.
As soon as I can do it in secret..

Thankyou all again.
smiling face

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Posted 01/08/12 - 1:58 AM:

FailureWish wrote:
@ Thinker13.

I am truly an introvert, but I am not sure I possess all of the traits you have attached to that label. For one thing, I am not very intelligent. But to the other things you said, yes, yes and more yes. It is quite remarkable how you did that.



zen Thanks for validating my validations. You look intelligent to me. The label 'Very Intelligent' might not be true. Thanks again. thumb up



I have found a book on meditation and am going to see if it can help me get any better. I have nothing to lose now so it couldn't hurt.



It would be great if you could practice Anapanasatti: This is a Buddhist meditation technique, but has almost no rituals of religious type in it. You have to simply be aware of your breathing without breaks.

In my experience, trying to be a constant witness of your breathing process is the easiest and most effective type of meditation. Just let us know if you find those meditations useful or you need some help with any particular technique. smiling face




I am going to get professional help as well.
As soon as I can do it in secret..

Thankyou all again.
smiling face



That would be great.

Stay in touch. zen
FailureWish
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Posted 01/11/12 - 4:37 AM:

Hey guys.
I just wanted to let you know that I sought professional help out yesterday and I am about to start taking medication.

Hopefully this will make my life a little better.
Fingers crossed...

Thankyou.

Oh... and Thinker13.. The doctor made me take a personality test and it turns out that I am an incredibly expressed introvert type person. He said I account for only 2% of the population. I don't know if that is true or not, but it is interesting.
Thinker13
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Posted 01/11/12 - 5:04 AM:

FailureWish wrote:
Hey guys.
I just wanted to let you know that I sought professional help out yesterday and I am about to start taking medication.

Hopefully this will make my life a little better.
Fingers crossed...


All the best. thumb up


Oh... and Thinker13.. The doctor made me take a personality test and it turns out that I am an incredibly expressed introvert type person. He said I account for only 2% of the population. I don't know if that is true or not, but it is interesting.



Thanks for telling me that. smiling face



[ I know this is rehashing]

Please try meditations as well, if possible. Attention on breathing might initially seem a bit difficult but would be a knack later on, in getting rid of depression. smiling face
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Posted 01/12/12 - 6:11 PM:

FailureWish wrote:
Hey guys.
I just wanted to let you know that I sought professional help out yesterday and I am about to start taking medication.

Hopefully this will make my life a little better.
Fingers crossed...

Thankyou.

much luck to you and i hope the medication gives you some relief. i agree with thinker that meditation can also be very helpful, if or when you have the opportunity to explore it further. good luck hug

FW wrote:
Oh... and Thinker13.. The doctor made me take a personality test and it turns out that I am an incredibly expressed introvert type person. He said I account for only 2% of the population. I don't know if that is true or not, but it is interesting.

cool.
libertygrl
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Posted 01/20/12 - 10:50 AM:

here's a good video about why meditation is of interest in the field of neuroscience:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR8TjCncvIw
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