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I'm an idiot.

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FailureWish
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Posted 11/29/11 - 5:51 AM:
Subject: I'm an idiot.
So I have loved this girl for about 7 years now and she has been indifferent towards me for the same amount of time.

Longer, in fact.

So here I am, caught up on someone who is obviously never going to love me and in return I get to be a loser.

Pretty cool huh?


Anyway, this is my question:

How do I get on with my life?

libertygrl
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Posted 11/29/11 - 9:10 PM:

hi FW, welcome to the couch.

from what i have read, and also from what i have experienced firsthand, what sometimes happens is, due to some deep emotional pain, we feel affection for and long to be with someone that we know with certainty is not going to reciprocate, for the simple reason that it makes us feel safe and we can still let ourselves love from afar without any pressure or responsibility to do anything about it. it's also easier to love from afar than allow ourselves to open up to the kind of intimacy that a romantic relationship calls for. so i think, if that's the case, there are two clear options.

1) accept that that's the way things are.
2) change the situation.

if you opt for acceptance, then clearly you don't have to change anything, except your expectation. because you will then accept that no relationship with that person is going to come out of this situation, but that's okay with you, because you didn't really want one anyway, and you're fine leaving it the way it is. if nothing else, you can at least remind yourself that it's not so much about being an idiot or a loser, but rather about feeling hurt and acknowledging that a relationship is not what you really want.

if you opt for change, then the only way to get on with your life is to just make the decision to do it, and then do it. the first step probably should involve letting go of this unrequited love and being open to whatever the future brings. maybe the possibility of a real relationship? if that's what you want. or maybe the possibility of being on your own for a while and figuring out what wounds lie within, so you can heal from them.
thedoc
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Posted 12/01/11 - 12:11 AM:

Well FailureWish, I'm not sure I can be much help, I must be one cold hearted S.O.B. cause I could not maintain any feelings for anyone who did not return feelings. My only real question is 'was it really love or some other feeling that you mistook for love?
Thinker13
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Posted 12/02/11 - 12:21 PM:

Well, Psycho-metrically speaking "I am not an idiot"; neither are you. laughing
henry quirk
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Posted 12/02/11 - 1:00 PM:

"...was it really love or some other feeling that you mistook for love?"

"Love is just lust misspelled."
thedoc
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Posted 12/02/11 - 1:52 PM:

henry quirk wrote:
"...was it really love or some other feeling that you mistook for love?"

"Love is just lust misspelled."



Please don't say you Love Me.

But this again depends on the definition of Love, if sex is a necessary component of a relationship then you are correct, but a relationship where sex is minimal or absent is a different story.
henry quirk
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Posted 12/02/11 - 5:22 PM:

I agree, Doc...I was makin' a funny at FailureWish's expense, prompted by your question above.

Yeah, I'm a jackass... wink
libertygrl
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Posted 12/02/11 - 5:41 PM:

henry quirk wrote:
I agree, Doc...I was makin' a funny at FailureWish's expense, prompted by your question above.

how is it at failurewish's expense?
henry quirk
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Posted 12/02/11 - 5:48 PM:

'cause he asked a (I guess) serious question and I offered nothing serious in response.

Gentle mocking...good humor...nonsense.

*shrug*
libertygrl
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Posted 12/02/11 - 6:02 PM:

ah, that's not so bad. joking around is fine with me, doing it at someone's expense is more like making fun of them, in my mind, which it didn't seem you were. cheers
thedoc
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Posted 12/02/11 - 6:44 PM:

Hey Henry, 'I love you' in that macho, manly, buddy buddy sort of way, DON'T HUG ME, just comb your hair.
FailureWish
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Posted 12/04/11 - 1:29 AM:

Thanks guys. I'll have to think about some of the things you said.

*nerd*
Morgena
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Posted 12/04/11 - 4:54 PM:

I’ll agree with the thinker nobody is an idiot ;-)
@ Failure you have been for a long time with your girl, therefore I wouldn’t argue your feelings were just a self-deception or an illusion. I can recon that you are having right bitter feelings right now after being left behind which is normal.
Now let me explain you something, in times like these it’s easy to drift apart if you’re not carefully, particularly when keeping advice from those so called friends, therefore take some time to think carefully about them.
I could tell you something about societies as a whole, but it would be too long over here, just a short note, some clever heads argue about conforming to the given society is a wise thing to do, but think by you self, if it’s true that society changes, and so people have to change too.

Would you trust someone who’s constantly changing?
hmm
thedoc
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Posted 12/04/11 - 7:28 PM:

FailureWish, you really need to step back and look at your relationship from a non-emotional standpoint, and ask, is this what YOU want, if it is OK, but if you are unhappy with the situation you need to change, possibly just walk away.
henry quirk
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Posted 12/05/11 - 9:36 AM:

"DON'T HUG ME..."

Oh, if we ever meet: I WILL hug you (in a "macho, manly, buddy buddy sort of way").


"...just comb your hair."

HA!

I have no hair: my skull is as clean and smooth as courtesan’s bottom.

#

"...joking around is fine with me, doing it at someone's expense is more like making fun of them, in my mind, which it didn't seem you were."

Very good, then!
thedoc
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Posted 12/05/11 - 11:19 AM:

henry quirk wrote:
"DON'T HUG ME..."

Oh, if we ever meet: I WILL hug you (in a "macho, manly, buddy buddy sort of way").


"...just comb your hair."

HA!

I have no hair: my skull is as clean and smooth as courtesan’s bottom.



Did you ever watch the movie 'Greese'? There is a scene where Travolta and his buddy are overcome with emotion and give each other a hug, but quickly realizing what they are doing and that there are others around, break and start combing their hair.
henry quirk
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Posted 12/05/11 - 1:47 PM:

'Greese'

Can't say I ever watched it all the way through...not into musicals...*shrug*
annaatkins
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Posted 01/10/12 - 11:28 AM:

thedoc wrote:
Well FailureWish, I'm not sure I can be much help, I must be one cold hearted S.O.B. cause I could not maintain any feelings for anyone who did not return feelings. My only real question is 'was it really love or some other feeling that you mistook for love?


I know this is an older post but I just had to read throught it cause of the title smiling face So I don't know if you still need some advice or not, but I figured I can add some words here just in case

I do agree with Doc. Try to see what are the reasons you 'love' this girl. Because you might be surprised you'll find unbelievable few reasons and will be able to realise that you want her just because she doesn't want you back. People in general tend to be really stubborn and always try to get what they can't have, not because they really want those things but because they want to prove they can have them. It is understandable, but sometimes you just need to take some distance and realize it's really not worth it.
Thinker13
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Posted 01/10/12 - 12:05 PM:

annaatkins wrote:


I know this is an older post but I just had to read throught it cause of the title smiling face So I don't know if you still need some advice or not, but I figured I can add some words here just in case

I do agree with Doc. Try to see what are the reasons you 'love' this girl. Because you might be surprised you'll find unbelievable few reasons and will be able to realise that you want her just because she doesn't want you back. People in general tend to be really stubborn and always try to get what they can't have, not because they really want those things but because they want to prove they can have them. It is understandable, but sometimes you just need to take some distance and realize it's really not worth it.



thumb up
FailureWish
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Posted 01/11/12 - 4:40 AM:

Thanks Anaatkins. I think you may be right. smiling face
I am actually feeling a little better about this particular problem right now.
annaatkins
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Posted 01/11/12 - 8:45 AM:

smiling face
Glad to hear that!
thedoc
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Posted 01/11/12 - 11:59 AM:

Hey great, now let's have a group hug, except for henry, his hugs are too butch.
henry quirk
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#23 - Quote - Permalink
Posted 01/13/12 - 9:58 AM:

"...henry, his hugs are too butch."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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