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Ramblings Of A Young Bipolar Philosopher

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KinNaoko90
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Posted 03/08/11 - 12:38 PM:
Subject: Ramblings Of A Young Bipolar Philosopher
It’s happening again. Questions, endless as the starlit sky I am lying beneath, assault my consciousness. More rapidly than my brain can process them, they come and they go, leave my poor head aching and confused.

Occasionally, they form complete inquiries. When this does happen, I can comprehend their significance: ARE YOU THE ONLY EXISTENCE IN ALL OF EXISTENCE? The question leaves me lonesome.

And why shouldn’t you be? I ask myself, silently. Why shouldn’t you feel alone if you can’t prove your friends and family exist?

I close my eyes and dig my fingers into the cool earth as I think it over. According to biology, all of these sights, sounds, and other senses you experience are electrical signals interpreted by your brain. And what if all of this was my imagination? What if all of this wasn’t even limited by a brain?

I open my eyes. In the short time I had been thinking, a single speck of cloud had appeared in the edge of the otherwise clear night sky.

Another question comes. This one I can also understand in full: ARE YOU AN OBJECT OBSERVING OR AN INTELLECTUAL BEING?

Nausea hits me suddenly. Until now I had taken comfort in the age old saying: “I think therefore I am.” It was the only proof of my existence – of anything – that I had. This new question shakes me with an immeasurable force.

What if you aren’t even a sentient being? I berate myself. [/i]What if you are merely and object observing all of someone or something else’s experiences, thoughts, and feelings. What if, similar to Descartes’ demon deceiver, the things you are observing aren’t even reality?[/i]

I want to cry. A paradox repeats itself in my brain. Three simple words: You know nothing. You know nothing. You know NOTHING!

My vision of the sky blurs as tears fill my eyes. I swipe at them, angrily. I want to complain, to say this isn’t fair. Then I realize with my already fragile soul that I do not even know what ‘fair’ is.

I look at the moon. A familiar song comes to my lips. I sing it as some would pray; softly and with heartfelt hope.

“In the moonlight, I felt your heart
Quiver like a bowstring’s pulse.
In the moon’s pure light, you look at me
Nobody knows your heart.”

“When the sun is gone, I see you
Beautiful and haunting, but cold
Like the blade of a knife, so sharp, so sweet.
Nobody knows your heart.”

“All of your sorrow, grief, and pain
Washed away in the forest of the night.
Your secret heart belongs to the world
Of the things that sigh in the dark;
Of the things that cry in the dark.”*

Sometimes this helps me. Other times it has no effect. Still, for the minute the song takes, I feel at peace.

I do not know why these questions affect me more than the rest of my people. Nor do I know why they come without my permission. All I know is that they threaten my very existence and I am completely helpless to defend myself from them. How can you fight something that comes from within your own mind?

I rise to my feet. The sun will be up soon and I have yet to find an answer to any of the problems.

As I turn to head back to my home, one last question pierces through my skull.

EVEN IF THERE ARE ANSWERS, DO YOU TRULY WANT TO FIND THEM?




*- taken from Hayao Miyazaki's film: "Princess Mononoke"
libertygrl
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Posted 03/08/11 - 2:06 PM:

grasping for hope
slippery slope
somebody throw me a rope

(random rhymes that popped in my head after reading this)
KinNaoko90
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Posted 03/08/11 - 7:23 PM:

libertygrl wrote:
grasping for hope
slippery slope
somebody throw me a rope

(random rhymes that popped in my head after reading this)


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