The Couch

in the cold

Comments on in the cold

muse
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muse
Posted 11/19/09 - 10:59 PM:
Subject: in the cold
in the cold i sometimes wander
closing out the warmth
feeling the stark harshness
forgetting the comfort i once knew

words not spoken clash inside my head
such outpour i have, but dare not say
the story is not interesting
the voice is not one that others care to hear

but the swells of emotion and passion
create a incredible surge, stirring up
churning ...
i choke it down in the quietness around me

no place to speak, to feel
hiding, sneaking, longing to leave
but trapped by invisible ties
that i do not understand

the cold, it feels right, on
the inside now, numb and hard
my dreams have gone dark
as i hang on in the cold.
libertygrl
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Posted 11/23/09 - 9:12 PM:

sad
MrMario
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Posted 11/28/09 - 7:43 AM:

Oh man, I read this at the wrong time.crying
Morgena
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Posted 11/28/09 - 12:09 PM:

Someone told me nothing will stay the same not even coldness wink
muse
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muse
Posted 11/30/09 - 11:32 PM:

i like to write an extreme expression of my emotions - i'm sure the writing is not worth much, but i feel the need to try. i am a musician with no voice, not wanting to hurt anyone or make them sad. sorry mr. mario for causing you any harm. i only wanted to express the passion i feel inside - maybe i should find a way to block it, as it is powerful and can be a downer, eh?

i'm glad to hear that nothing will stay the same - i know it doesn't when things are going well ...

anyone dare to critique my writings? i can take it - i'm sure you could give me some things to work on, yes?

the lonely muse
libertygrl
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Posted 12/03/09 - 12:02 AM:

i think that expressing how you really feel is the kind of writing that resonates with people, no matter what the style. what we write can't always be cheerful, especially when that's not what we're feeling. in fact, i think writing that expresses how we suffer is easier for people to connect to. catharsis...
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 12/03/09 - 5:37 AM:

I'm sure many people would be surprised of the sheer power in their own voice if they'd discover it.

Keep it up, muse, is the first tip. Practice creates craft.
It's very hard to critique poetry. Most of it has to do with style. The romans didn't even like rhyme so meh, why bother. smiling face Try some new things, develop your voice, streamline it, let the flow smoothly.
You could scrape off the bumpy bits in choise of words, sounds or rhyme. On the other hand, you might intentionally use a strange, raw or unpleasant scheme or vocabulary to enhance any emotion. The choice is yours.

I think it's sad that we don't have any audio on this forum. I don't think there's a poem that comes to full life without being sung or spoken. That's when a real voice develops, with all the subtleties and depth that it can bring.

A simple trick to make your poetry more symmetrical and pleasant is counting the syllables and developing a scheme for your poem. Count the ones you hear, not the ones you write ('write' only counts as one, 'only' counts as two.

Cheers
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