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Symptoms Of A Patronizing Attitude!

Comments on Symptoms Of A Patronizing Attitude!

Thinker13
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Posted 08/12/09 - 5:05 AM:
Subject: Symptoms Of A Patronizing Attitude!
What are the symptoms of a patronizing behavior or attitude while discussing with someone. Either in an online discussion or in an offline discussion-how do you come to realize that your interlocutor assumes himself to be superior,intellectually or otherwise ?


An example:

When someone says:

'(Let us) ponder for a while...' or says 'let us contemplate upon it'

Is it patronizing?


or asks a few rhetoric questions/nagging ones/teasing ones-like


What do you mean by it?


Would you please elaborate upon it?


OR tries to tear apart each and every portion of your proposition.


Is it patronizing?




Seems to be 'obsessive compulsive'?


OR when someone says:

Have a look at it:


or says:


Look at this:


And other variations.



Just curious to know,as almost all of us have been in various discussions-online/real.smiling face


Feel free to comment on anything and feel free to thoroughly explore the matter.



Thank You
libertygrl
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Posted 08/12/09 - 1:45 PM:

are you concerned that you're being patronizing?

i don't think it's the kind of thing for which you can make a list of symptoms. an air of superiority is something that manifests different ways with different people. even if someone is being patronizing, what is there that needs to be done about it? you can't change other people, only yourself.
Thinker13
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Posted 08/12/09 - 1:53 PM:

libertygrl wrote:
are you concerned that you're being patronizing?


Partially.

libertygrl wrote:
i don't think it's the kind of thing for which you can make a list of symptoms. an air of superiority is something that manifests different ways with different people.


It is subjective 'feel',still,there may be some perspicuous signals,you throw out,every now and then,suggesting that 'you have something...'.


even if someone is being patronizing, what is there that needs to be done about it? you can't change other people, only yourself.


Nothing,in fact.



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libertygrl
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Posted 08/12/09 - 2:28 PM:

if it helps, my impression of you is that of someone who likes to explore. taking the lead in conversation could be perceived as patronizing if it were appearing in conjunction with other "signals" such as showing disrespect for alternative points of view, which is not the case in my perception of you. your demeanor strikes me as playful rather than malicious.
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 08/13/09 - 1:57 AM:

'Good intentions' is the reason everyone gave for forgiving my greatest stupidities. If good intentions don't count, there's no hope (for me). smiling face

In short, lib is right.
Thinker13
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Posted 08/13/09 - 2:10 PM:

Thank you,both of you.


IMHO: It has been an experience of mine that someone who has this attitude would never listen you(or read you,in case of online forums). Skimming,where perusal is required and hasty absent minded listening,where 'focused attentive listening' is essential are telltale hallmarks of patronizing attitude. Whenever you hold a conversation,if a listener is not attentive enough frequently,it may be a symptom of a patronizing attitude. If you are with a schmoozer,he may always be planning what to say next and hence unable to pay enough attention to your remarks. Many a times,even good conversationalist become petulant but not always. If someone is not patient enough to listen the person next to him and keeps on creating his harangues in his head,he is there, only to deliver the harangue and not to hold a conversation.



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libertygrl
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Posted 08/13/09 - 2:19 PM:

Thinker13 wrote:
Thank you,both of you.


IMHO: It has been an experience of mine that someone who has this attitude would never listen you(or read you,in case of online forums). Skimming,where perusal is required and hasty absent minded listening,where 'focused attentive listening' is essential are telltale hallmarks of patronizing attitude. Whenever you hold a conversation,if a listener is not attentive enough frequently,it may be a symptom of a patronizing attitude. If you are with a schmoozer,he may always be planning what to say next and hence unable to pay enough attention to your remarks. Many a times,even good conversationalist become petulant but not always. If someone is not patient enough to listen the person next to him and keeps on creating his harangues in his head,he is there, only to deliver the harangue and not to hold a conversation.

hi thinker,

these are good points. i think it's easier to detect a patronizing attitude in face to face conversation than it is on a discussion forum. not impossible, of course, but a person's tone of voice does also make it more readily apparent.

cheers,
lib
Thinker13
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Posted 08/13/09 - 3:02 PM:

libertygrl wrote:
these are good points. i think it's easier to detect a patronizing attitude in face to face conversation than it is on a discussion forum. not impossible, of course, but a person's tone of voice does also make it more readily apparent.


Indeed,tone of voice,modulation,gestures,facial expressions are some of the parameters to observe in a 'face to face' discussion. More often than not our speakers have a story. If someone emphasizes,over and again that his story is a 'really big one' and is often unaware of details of stories of others,it is,not only a sign of disinterest but also a sign of obnoxiousness. No matter what you have 'faced' in your life ,it cannot be 'too big',whether you are a Napoleon,an Alexander or a Buddha. It is worthy of being mentioned here that all of the Dictators,Prophets and Messiahs as well as various 'claimants of avatar hood' have given too much emphasis on their 'stories' while they are just that 'stories'. You know,some stories are well articulated ones and others come out in staggering pieces,with fumbling,still,they are nothing but stories. Messiahs,Prophets,Patriarchs,seers and Avatars have got reasons,convictions and power to say what they say with much force.




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