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railroad poetry

Comments on railroad poetry

smokinpristiformis
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Posted 07/24/09 - 2:25 AM:
Subject: railroad poetry
I've been writing some stuff on the train to work.
I'll translate it for you guys to enjoy. smiling face


one two fluffy clouds
running away from
a bad one and stout
flesheatin' haystack

said the oldest quite
scaredly to the other
in a few moments' time
we'll be dinner, hide !

truly this is a sad,
of all things the worst
our field's foodchain
horribly reversed

tears flow in'r eyes
while the little fluffy
thing went hiding by
her big sister's side

the tall one lets a cry
in a protective attack
firmly and warriorlike
to that vicious haystack



libertygrl
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Posted 07/24/09 - 10:09 PM:

i picture a haystack running amok, devouring little clouds and mammals, and the older sibling making her stand. the imagery as i picture it is reminiscent of miyazaki. nice smiling face
Thinker13
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Posted 07/25/09 - 2:03 PM:

It is a good one Willem! I used to observe clouds for a long long time,some time ago. It was a lot of fun to watch them running and mixing with each other. None of them stays for long. Some of them are gulped down by the 'big black one' ,which has already been to its tryst with earth!


Thank You
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 08/10/09 - 4:11 AM:

Thanks for the comments guys!

After seeing some lambs play in the field, I let my imagination run away with it and wrote this. smiling face
I'll see what else is left in my poetry book. ^^
Thinker13
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Posted 08/10/09 - 1:59 PM:

smokinpristiformis wrote:
Thanks for the comments guys!


Welcome.

After seeing some lambs play in the field, I let my imagination run away with it and wrote this. smiling face


Good,you are still capable of loosing yourself,in an absent minded way,which most of the folks forget by your age.smiling face

smokinpristiformis
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Posted 08/11/09 - 1:38 AM:

Thinker13 wrote:


Good,you are still capable of loosing yourself,in an absent minded way,which most of the folks forget by your age.smiling face



I don't think I'll lose that "ability" any time soon. smiling face
I must say it's not a trait which is greatly appreciated in the big world out there. grin
I'm impossible to work with because I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to do. Obviously my girlfriend complains about it as well. wink
Thinker13
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Posted 08/11/09 - 1:53 AM:

smokinpristiformis wrote:
I don't think I'll lose that "ability" any time soon. smiling face


You are living a lifethumb up


smokinpristiformis wrote:
I must say it's not a trait which is greatly appreciated in the big world out there. grin
I'm impossible to work with because I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to do. Obviously my girlfriend complains about it as well. wink


HaHa!laughinglaughing. Joking aside,it is a very important point.

Feminine yin qualities are required for being artistic and creative. Masculine yang qualities are necessary for dealing with the world(mob). To have a balance between these two or to switch between these two seems to be very difficult task. You know,there are about five percent guys in the whole population,who have extremely thin boundaries between conscious and subconscious. They are inborn artists unable to face the world head-on.



Thank You
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 08/19/09 - 7:21 AM:

Here's another one:


Camel caravan
draws
slowly spiralling
through

the warm red walls
of a crater
rising up out of
another age

Uneasy smoke
honours greas'ly
its forgotten
father and flame

Camel caravan
draws
eternal in the
dust

Thinker13
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Posted 08/19/09 - 7:51 AM:

Marvelous.
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 08/24/09 - 4:15 AM:

Thinker13 wrote:
Marvelous.



Thank you, Thinker. Appreciated. smiling face
smokinpristiformis
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Posted 08/24/09 - 4:23 AM:

surrounded by fields
supported by air
alive on small'r scale

A lonely shed
left years ago
stands shakily
against the wind

surrounded with grass
burdened with hay
alive on small'r scale

long company
of grass and green
the little shed
slowly transforms

adapted to grass
burdened with hay
alive on small'r scale

the wind dies down
lets go of this
slowly rott'n pile
of crumbling wood

became the grass
burdened with hay
alive on small'r scale



Edited by smokinpristiformis on 08/24/09 - 6:11 AM
Thinker13
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Posted 08/24/09 - 12:14 PM:

smokinpristiformis wrote:
Thank you, Thinker. Appreciated. smiling face



Welcome.
Thinker13
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Posted 08/24/09 - 12:18 PM:

smokinpristiformis wrote:


the wind dies down
lets go of this
slowly rott'n pile
of crumbling wood

became the grass
burdened with hay
alive on small'r scale




Very beautiful rhyme.


'alive on smaller scale' has an undertone of an 'environmental engineer'.wink

smokinpristiformis
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Posted 08/25/09 - 2:08 AM:

Hehe, I suppose it does. smiling face
I was thinking of all the little creatures having a banquet of old wood. grin


I get the feeling this last one could have used some more effort, though. I didn't have a lot of time to translate it, so meh...

Edited by smokinpristiformis on 08/25/09 - 2:25 AM
Thinker13
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Posted 08/25/09 - 3:56 AM:

smokinpristiformis wrote:
Hehe, I suppose it does. smiling face
I was thinking of all the little creatures having a banquet of old wood. grin


I get the feeling this last one could have used some more effort, though. I didn't have a lot of time to translate it, so meh...



Yes. You have written during your 'transit for work'. It is very important to have Neptunian ability to take various 'forms' in order to write good fiction. Those who take various alienated forms in their dreams frequently often turn out to be good writers. The 'otherness' helps one to be 'creative' OTOH to have 'individuality' is necessary to stand and to walk and to take the world 'head-on'. Neptunian egolessness is a great source of creativity.
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