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Undone (Again)

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Monk2400
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Posted 03/27/08 - 6:43 PM:
Subject: Undone (Again)
She undoes me.

Sure, I know it's ridiculous, after all this time. But, in the face of it, the distance is so small. It's just the space between one thought and the next. Of course, since she's always been there, hovering on the horizon of the next thought, during all this time, it's little wonder I should feel this way.

Undone. That's how best to describe it. I stood there smiling weakly in her presence, her energy totally scattering my phasic resonance, if that makes any sense. It's like I lost all my defences, like I was a scared burrowing animal caught out in the middle of a vast plain of rock, fearful of all the movement rushing around in the corners of my periphery. Unphased, undone, confused--I stuttered as I spoke.

No longer a brave face, nor a clear voice, nor a steady hand. I was quaking all over as I handed her the package--not the least because I had been sitting on it so long, because it had grown heavy on my shelf, wrapped but not stamped. A fearful shivering--my hands like an old drunk desparately trying to grasp the bottle. I wanted to burrow back into the earth where I'd be safe, but there I was, trapped on the plain. I was terrified of what showed (or what might have showed), and only gingerly accepted her embrace (though, I admit, my hand bravely lingered a bit long on the small of her back).

She's like some kind of psychic prism to me. I pour in through the newly opened shutters and suddenly become diffused through space and time in a rainbow of feelings. And my shivering reflects this deep uncertainty, this potent insecurity, that leaves me feeling naked and exposed. I want to say more, but I can't. I can barely manage to stammer out a few quite obvious comments.

She remarks about using her new computer. For a moment I find stable ground, and reassert myself as a subject matter expert, providing a seemingly authoritative opinion on a menial mechanical matter. But oh my, is that the time...?

Still radiant, she. Now a lifetime of secrets locked behind her peircing eyes, a series of unknown expeditions of experience that I can only place by imagination. Her life is, to me, a story in an old paperback revealing the heart of an era now dusty and dim, whose bright enthusiam is given light only in the cradle of my mind, springing to life with the vibrancy of my highest aesthetic pleasure. This is what I like. This resonates with me.

The customary good-byes ensue, the end to this all too brief encounter. My heart wants to stay, but now is not the time, here is not the place. I am still out of place, a loose thread, a single button in the box--pretty, but without a match, it lies unused. We made sure the old generator still works, tried a couple of lights to test it, and deferred the culmination to a later date. Now I have a new form to place in my dream, an updated image for my files. Such style. I feel like an old banister top, greasy with the fingerprints of ten childhoods.

I leave, wishing she was a song I could carry on my lips.


Edited by Midnight_Monk on 03/27/08 - 8:02 PM
Monk2400
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Posted 03/27/08 - 11:34 PM:

And the cherry on top, just for fun:


Undone (audio, ~10mb)

This narrative features the song 'Memory Gongs' by the Cocteau Twins & Harold Budd, from the album The Moon and the Melodies (1986), used respectfully without permission.

grin

Edited by Midnight_Monk on 03/27/08 - 11:40 PM
Morgena
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Posted 03/29/08 - 4:00 AM:

Sorry man but windows Media is not supporting the link sad do you have a alternative for me?


Monk2400
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Posted 03/29/08 - 7:58 PM:

Window media won't upload this? weird, it should--its mp3 format. do you have another media player, like Real Player? Try right clicking on the link and select 'Save Link As', save it to your desktop and then try to play it. If that doesnt work for you, I can create a windows media file version.

cheers,
8)
Morgena
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Posted 03/30/08 - 1:28 PM:

Now I could finally hear the song after downloading the MP3 version. And had a few brainstorms about the text, don’t know if you are interested about it???
Thanks anyway for your help.wink

Morgena
Monk2400
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Posted 03/30/08 - 6:21 PM:

of course...thats why its here--for discussion or contemplation!

whee
Morgena
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Posted 04/01/08 - 3:17 PM:

Right okay hope my English is good enough to transform my thoughts into words.

There is no doubt we are living in a fast changing environment where there isn’t much time to deal with feelings such as the feeling for love nor do we have time to deal with those feelings, therefore I am not surprised seeing people confused about the issue of love.

Now there are other factors, which play an important role in our lives such like work and social acceptance, rather than consecrating on what really matters to survive, which of course is love. Basically, it’s a matter of priorities, nowadays we have to re consider our priorities which unfortunately many people don’t do or simply subordinate their life for a higher interest whatever it might be.

I see so many people who are scared to trust their feelings, or even making decisions based around their emotional needs but the less they do it, the greater their insecurity of the decision making process. I see there are many people lacking out on confidence or trust in the other person and now I ask me self is there anybody out there who can see the consequents of it all.

I can hear it within the song and the more I hear the song the more it reminds me of a long forgotten day.

There are too many people who either cannot or will not explain their reasons to others, maybe being scared of not being understood but can’t see the reason why the other is gone away and time is drifting the both apart like a castle on the shore, the water washes them all away.

Monk2400
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Posted 04/01/08 - 4:08 PM:

Inspiring!

---

Long forgotten day
Memories all washed away

like grains of sand glistening
in the sun
water washes
each and every one

Long forgotten day
Feelings drifting far away

too scared to stay
to scared to run
pretty songs
all left unsung

Long forgotten day
Coloured photos turned to grey

no words remain
no words to say
trembling lips move
just to pray

Long forgotten day
We'll all be ok
Long forgotten day
It'll all be ok
Long forgotten day
I'll be just ok
Long forgotten day
I'll be ok.
Morgena
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Posted 04/02/08 - 10:50 AM:

In the dark, I can see many things so much clearer
Perhaps clearer then I want to.

If you know my story now,
Please don’t tell
Don’t want to hear,
It can only bring me pain.
Maybe one day before I die
Ill open that door,
Maybe I’ll cry,
But for now I’ll live in the dark.
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